Three years 'journey' in Canada!
December 23, 2015 - First time when I left my family to come to Canada! First time of so many things!
Growing up in a joint family (literally a family of 13); I learnt all the family values; prioritizing family over everything, being kind to people, helping others, respecting differences, being polite and respectful, adjusting yourself with the people and situations when it's needed, knowing when should we take the stand for our own and family, and when to sacrifice for family, and always giving it back to the community!
It taught me that there always will be struggles in life, but having your family around makes it easier for you to deal with all the problems and struggles!
When I decided to take a break from my busy life, honestly I didn't had any plans to move to Canada permanently. It was just 8 months plan, but then after moving here, people around me somehow convinced me to be here for 2 years, and so when I discussed it with my family, just like everytime, they agreed and I still remember the words my dad told me - "Do that makes you happy!" and then I never looked back! I will not say that the journey has been all so happy and as perfect as I thought it would be. Things were going smooth, but at some point you realize that how fortunate you are having all the good times, life hits you really hard and makes you realize that everything passes by!
Throughout that struggle, I realized how important it is to have a family around, matter how strong and independent I would be, I always need a family, people who I can trust, to feel comfortable with, and most importantly, around those who can accept me for myself and not because of my success or achievements. So, down time makes you realize who is worth sharing your time with, your emotions, feelings and every human thing that you need to have social needs get satisfied. I was missing my family, but being stubborn and trying hard to prove myself strong, I was losing myself! That was terrible! I was hospitalized and paid CAD $24000 from my savings! That's not important, but what is more important is that who were there with me, expecting nothing from me and being around a mess, a person with - Depression, they call!
It was terrible! I suffered a lot, struggled accepting myself, my flaws and kept myself distant from everyone (thinking why would I talk to anyone when I can't accept myself!).
I had panic attacks almost everyday, my body wasn't functioning properly, I couldn't walk, sleep or eat! My brain wasn't resting, I needed sleep, sound sleep! Depression was killing me everyday! But since I chose to have my own struggles, I didn't make my family aware about my mental health! It was the time when Doctors asked me to go back to India as soon as possible, I decided not to give up and fight against depression! After consulting 7 different psychiatrists, and ending up having the prescriptions of all the antidepressants, I chose not to take any! Stubborn and tough!
I started working on things my own way, it was a tough battle, but I survived, and that's what I am proud of! I am proud of all the failures, struggles and down times I had! And I should, because that's when we all learn the most, right?
So you would be wondering that in this blog, I talked about my depression and not the journey itself, but surviving this journey with depression single handedly, is the thing that I am proud of the most!
It's not about all the good times we have in our lives, it's about not giving up on ourselves when everything else is going against us!
I am grateful for the family I have in Canada, my host parents, and few friends whom I call my family! I am blessed for everything that God has given me! All the strength, hope and faith in him and myself!
Alive, happy and healthy - December 23, 2018
This blog might not be of everyone's interest, but it definitely is for people out there dealing with depression and people who survived!
I am proud of my struggles, and just remember - "This shall pass too!" . Never give up and continue believing in yourself!
Cheers to these 3 years in Canada!